Hurley/Jordan in celebrity reproductive organs shocker

In what is being heralded today as a major breakthrough in evolution, two celebrity women have announced they both have a human foetus growing inside their bodies.

Talented actress Liz Hurl-ey and modest model Jordan held two separate press conferences in which they declared themselves to be "pregnant", and gave hope to millions of women worldwide not to mention single-handedly saving celebrities from extinction.

It is believed that both women had used sperm from a man to climb inside or "fertilise" one of the eggs that exist naturally in all women's private parts. The egg has subsequently lodged itself in what doctor's call a uterus, which is a soft, mushy area just beyond reach unless you use a stick.

This is the best place for the egg to be, Doctor of Gynaecology at Queen Mary's hospital in Central London, Dr Rajiv Hunter, confirmed to us. "The uterus is ideal if you want the egg to grow in a full-size baby. Had it gone much further, it would have fallen out the vagina."

Dr Hunter also told us that he almost certain a man was involved in the act of creation. "There's no doubt about it - there would have to have been some sperm, and you only find that in a man's love juice. It's almost a certainty that both celebrity women have had sex with a man without putting anything over the end of his penis in order to prevent conception."

Extensive investigations have revealed that two men are involved. Both are known to have gone out with the celebrity women. One is a film producer that hasn't made any good films despite trying really hard but does have lots of money because his family own loads of areas of land. That's one's Liz Hurl-ey's. The other one also has lots of money, which he made by kicking a small ball around a field without letting other people have it. Jordan's. Neither man has much to do with the celebrities any more.

What now?, we asked Dr Hunter. "Well, if we're really lucky the egg will grow into a baby and then come out of the women's front bottom when it gets too big. And then, with luck, we will get one of our first looks at a celebrity baby." Dr Hunter admitted that the process of reproduction was not efficient and did need to be reviewed but was nevertheless ecstatic that if had worked so far. The whole process is expected to take nearly a year.

Meanwhile, Liz Hurl-ey keeps throwing up food and bile from her stomach into a toilet in the morning. This isn't thought to help the pregnancy.