I’m at work. I’m bored. Make me laugh.

Trawl Rockall for:

DUP leader Reverend Ian Paisley interned

The Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) was up in arms today as it emerged that its leader Reverend Ian Paisley had been held in a high-security prison cell since Wednesday for his part in a violent clash at David Trimble's re-election as First Minister.

Mr Paisley, 74, was arrested under new anti-terrorism measures put through in response to the 11 September attacks in New York. One such measure - which, ironically, Mr Paisley had been in favour of - was the reintroduction of internment for those suspected of planning to harm politicians from the SDLP, DUP and everyone else except Sinn Fein.

Under the conditions of internment the police were not under any obligation to inform anyone that the Member of Parliament for North Antrim had been detained or for what offence he had been arrested. Just like the old days, Dr Paisley had also been refused access to a doctor, lawyer, real priest or sexy schoolmistress.

However, security sources decided to reveal late last night that Dr Paisley had been visited in the early hours of Wednesday morning by the Army and escorted to a high-security base in Dublin for questioning. They want to know what part he had played in the fight at Stormont, which saw one woman knocked down, a politician receive a leg wound and numerous others go home with bruises.

The DUP - which had threatened to throw the peace process into disarray by defeating David Trimble's re-election vote, but was outmanoeuvred by other political parties several days later - clashed with members of the SDRP in the main hall. Its members then also fought with Sinn Fein members.

Chants of "cheat" and "traitor" in the hall immediately turned the eye of suspicion on the Reverend as a co-ordinator, although in fairness Dr Paisley has been known to shout other words. Just not at unionists he doesn't agree with.

Northern Ireland's newly named police force refused to say when Mr Paisley would be released, although a petition of Irish politicians saw nearly 90 per cent them ask for him to be held for as long as they could stand it.

Gerry Adams, leader of pro-IRA party Sinn Fein, whose transformation from terrorist to potential Nobel peace prize winner is one of the more heart-warming stories of the "troubles", could barely hide a smirk when informed of Dr Paisley internment. "Ain't life funny," he chuckled.

 Email an enemy  Pub-friendly printable version  ‘Politics’ index page