Manchester United in 24/7 strip update

Manchester United has announced its intention to change its strip every 24 hours, on top of producing a special strip for all games played outside the Premiership.

The club – the richest in the world – has hired a permanent contingent of 100 designers that, working in 24 groups of four, will be expected to come up with a new variation in the famous red and white colours every month. Twelve groups will work on the home strip and 12 on the away strip, with a further four designers acting as sweepers in case of illness.

The increase in the number of strips from two or three a year to one a match is essential if the club is to meet the challenges of the modern footballing world, the club's chief executive told us. "We need to maximise our clothing revenue in relation to the number of extra commitments we have taken on over the years as Manchester United has grown from an outstanding football club into a worldwide brand," the corporate bitch said.

As the cost of transfers in football has increased, Manchester United – as well as all other clubs in the Premiership – has been forced to pay more to keep the team up to date and competitive. While the huge sums paid by corporate sponsors to the teams has helped meet the extra expenses, the opportunity to fleece loyal fans remains an important revenue source.

The Official Manchester United Supporters Club, based in New Delhi, India, was not pleased with the announcement however: "I cannot be supporting this amount of money increase," the club's chairman Rajiv Ashman told us. "What with me and my son, if I am wanting to keep up to date, it will cost me over one-and-a-half million rupees (£23,000) each year, and I only make two million rupees a year."

A spokesman for the club said that he understood the concern of many of its supporters but that there was no need for them to buy every strip. "We wouldn't dream of bankrupting our loyal supporters," he told us. "We just what them to spend as much money as they possibly can on our goods so we can make an absolute fortune for our shareholders and give ourselves huge performance-related bonuses."

Asked how he felt Manchester United's season was going so far, the spokesman told us: "How am I supposed to know? Now, can I interest you in a limited edition diamond Victoria clitoris piercing? Just £14.99. Or £13.99 if you buy it on our website."