I’m at work. I’m bored. Make me laugh.

Trawl Rockall for:

British man buys shed

The Blitz spirit is alive and well and living in Hounslow. For it is there that one stout heart of oak has signalled his defiance to the Taliban in the way he knows best – assembling a new garden shed.

Keen gardener Derek Longton, 69, had wanted a new shed for several years. "In the end," he says, "I always put it off. It seems pointless getting a new shed unless it could also serve as a symbol of defiance to those who would attack our way of life."

Then came the events of 11 September. "As soon as I saw the pictures I was straight down to Homebase," says Mr Longton, visibly moved. "But the wife said I was mad to erect such a tall structure on a flight path into Heathrow," he adds.

Mrs Longton is not the only person to have serious reservations about the potential terrorist threat. The municipal council has sent a short man round to measure the shed. The council's shed expert told The Rockall Times: "Unfortunately, under David Blunkett's emergency counter-terrorist legislation, all new buildings in Britain have to be less than three feet high. And that includes sheds, I'm afraid."

Mr Longton has dismissed the council's ruling as "utter rubbish," and has vowed to fight to the death for the right to keep his shed. "I had all of my courgettes strafed by a Messerschmitt during the Blitz," he says. "Five years later I went back and firebombed Dresden. Over and out."

Meanwhile, there is confusion among defence experts as to the Taliban's policy towards sheds. One analyst said: "It's difficult to know whether terrorists would view a shed as a proscribed target. The Koran certainly makes no direct reference to sheds, although much of the Kabul regime's rule is guided by interpretation of the Holy Scriptures. So, anything is possible."

We rang Kabul earlier today to clarify the Taliban's position but no-one seemed to be home.

 Email an enemy  Pub-friendly printable version  ‘World News’ index page