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Bruce Willis rejects lead in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang remake

What the kids won't see - Willis as Caractacus Potts

Action man Bruce Willis has turned down the role of Caractacus Potts in the remake of the 1968 classic musical Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we can reveal.

The original movie, based on Ian Fleming's book, starred Dick Van Dyke as the eccentric professor who invents a flying car. It is understood that the producers of the remake wanted someone "more contemporary" with an "edge of violence and menace".

The announcement has no doubt come as a blow, doubly so since it has just been confirmed that Demi Moore will not now play Truly Scrumptious, as previously thought.

An Hollywood insider said: "The fact of the matter is that the events of 11 September have shaken stars' confidence in travel - especially air travel. Bruce Willis has been particularly badly affected. He can't even walk to the end of the drive to collect the mail without an armed escort."

A spokesman for the film's producers confirmed this, stating: "Willis simply told us 'I ain't getting in no fuc*king flying car. Don't you know there's a war on?' Even after it was explained that the car didn't really fly, and that the whole thing was an illusion created digitally, he shouted: 'If the ragheads can hijack two planes and take out the WTC, then how the fuc*k can you tell me that they can't seize some fuc*king flying car and crash the fuc*ker into the Hollywood fuc*king Bowl?'"

Meanwhile, Willis's agent has angrily refuted the allegations. "The idea that the man who beat someone to death with his bare hands in Die Hard is too afraid to get into a vehicle which will be lifted four feet gently into the air on hydraulic rams is outrageous," he stormed. "The fact is that Bruce has decided to change direction in his career. He hopes to do more directing, and will be expanding his repertoire into Hamlet real soon."

The announcement does have one positive effect, however. A spokesman for British actors' union Equity told The Rockall Times: "Our members have absolutely no problem whatsoever with air travel. So, unless their American counterparts are allowed to shoot blockbusters in their own living rooms, it looks like plenty of work for the Brits."

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