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Latin America in street name panic

The urban planning departments of several major Latin-American cities are tonight locked in crisis meetings attempting to avert a continent-wide street name catastrophe.

The reason for the panic is simple: having used up the names of everybody who ever served in the armed forces, and every date in the calendar, Latin America simply does not have any new street names available.

A street nomenclature expert told The Rockall Times: "It is common practice over there to name avenues and squares after military heroes or significant dates, such as the anniversary of liberation. Unfortunately, when you've run out of national celebrities and reached 31st December, you're stuffed."

The authorities have tried several methods to alleviate the problem, but without success. In Buenos Aires, the city council attempted to adopt a British system and name the streets in a new housing development after trees, including: Avenida de los Robles (Oak Tree Avenue), and Callejón de los Cerezos (Cherry Tree Passage). But no sooner had the signs been unveiled that an angry mob gathered, burning effigies of Margaret Thatcher and demanding the return of the Falkland Islands to Argentina.

Meanwhile, the Mayor of San Salvador, capital of Central-American republic El Salvador, admitted that he was "at his wits' end", adding: "We haven't had a significant event since we invaded Honduras in 1969 over a football match. I fear that the only solution may be another pointless and brutal conflict with one of our neighbours. We are currently in discussions with the Guatemalan government who are themselves desperate to generate some new national heroes and notable dates."

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