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Pacific island to host WTC anniversary knees-up

The Micronesian paradise of Kiribati looks set to receive a much-needed boost to its economy next year. The Pacific island chain straddles the international date line, and will be the first place at which Americans can mourn the terrible events of September 11th.

"This is an amazing stroke of luck for us," said Kiribati's head of tourism. "We expect thousands of tourists and camera crews to gather to witness the dawn on the first anniversary of The Day That Changed The World Forever™."

This will be the second big pay-day for Kiribati in as many years. In December 1999, its Caroline Island was invaded by television and press who flocked to be the first to see in the new millennium. On September 11th the remote outpost - now renamed Millennium Island - will host an event greater even than the two thousandth anniversary of Christ's birth.

"Forget Jesus," enthused one local copra retailer. "This is something that really altered the course of the whole of world history. We're going to make a packet."

Kiribati's 80,000 population are already tackling the huge logistical problems surrounding the expected influx. "We intend to build 83 luxury hotels, 275 motels and three budget trailer parks across our 20 inhabited islands," said the Minister for International Development. "There are plans for a Disney-style 'War on Terror™' theme park and a virtual Tora Bora cave complex experience. We'll be ready."

The government has in addition ordered 2,000,000 cans of Coca-Cola, 37 tons of hamburgers and 250,000 miniature stars and stripes. They have signed rap star Eminem who will signal the exact moment for mourning to commence with a gangsta rendition of The star-spangled banner.

But while Kiribati is celebrating its good fortune, other dateline residents are angry at what they see as a Micronesian monopoly on US self-pity. The population of Russia's Vrangelya Ostrov (Wrangel Island) have launched a "Come and mourn with us!" campaign, and are heavily pushing the area's attractions. "We've got some skidoos," boasted one fur-clad Ivan. "And lots and lots of vodka."

The Pacific also faces strong competition from British Airways. The airline will be running a War on Terror™ special champagne shuttle across the Atlantic. By ingenious supersonic manipulation of the time zones, it offers passengers aboard Concorde the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to mark the fateful hour no less than three times during the flight. "Beat that for pure self-indulgence," boasted an airline spokesman.

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