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Unborn foetus 'distraught' at Steps split

A young mum-to-be is tonight recovering in hospital after suffering a near miscarriage provoked by the news that pop combo Steps has split. Lisa Starstruck was admitted last night after her unborn foetus accidentally overheard the earth-shattering revelation on the evening news. "The baby was their number one fan," wailed pretty Lisa, 24. "And now that Steps have split there doesn't seem to be much to live for."

Doctors have confirmed that the unborn infant suffered "major distress". One told The Rockall Times: "This has hit us all pretty hard, but it's the young who are most at risk from such traumas." Indeed, UK police have reported a record number of pre-pubescent girls throwing themselves into canals. "We've had 127 reports of uncontrollable sobbing into duvet covers in the last two hours alone," noted one officer grimly.

The ex-members of Steps - Fay Tozer, Lee Latchford Evans, Claire Richards, H (Ian Watkins) and Lisa Scott-Lee - have declared that the split came as a result of the music industry's failure to take the band seriously.

Despite two number one singles during their five-year career and a greatest hits compilation which has sold more than 1.4 million copies, the group was widely regarded as "utter shite" by pop insiders.

Now the five stars intend to confound their critics. Ian Watkins will shortly complete his first symphonic work, based on the life of philosopher Jean Paul Sartre. Fay Tozer will continue her ground-breaking work in keyhole surgical techniques. Lee Latchford Evans is believed to be working on a definitive guide to renaissance architecture. Lisa Scott-Lee has had her hair done, and Claire Richards has announced that she will be joining Lockheed Martin's "Skunk Works" where she will head a crack team of stealth aircraft technology scientists.

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