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Middle-class parents 33 per cent smugger than in 1945

Middle-class parents are in incredible 33 per cent smugger now than in 1945, a survey has revealed. And levels of self-satisfaction are at an all-time high.

The results confirm what many already suspected: that since the war, those parents with white-collar jobs have become increasingly pleased with themselves and their offspring.

"The signs are all around," noted an authority on the British bourgeoisie. "You only have to look at the self-indulgent manner in which the comfortably off tolerate their child's most appalling behaviour - even in public - to see that times have indeed changed. Thirty years ago they would have got a clip round the earhole. The kids too, probably."

Many experts believe that the incredible lengths to which parents go to obtain a place for their progeny in the "right" school is a major contributory factor. "Having expended that much effort to ensure that their little genius has the best possible start in life, it's inevitable that people would want to share the child's minute-by-minute progress with anyone who will listen," expounded one education consultant.

This view is endorsed by teachers. "Learning to read and write used to be something you just did," sighed one infant school headmistress. "Now if a kid can string a half-decent sentence together by the age of eight, the parents are eyeing up the Oxford University prospectus - despite the fact that the little brat is no more than average and destined for a job in banking."

Some middle-class parents have reacted angrily to the report. One told The Rockall Times: "This is rubbish. I'm certainly no more pleased with myself than before Jake was born. By the way, he's got a real talent for music. That's why he can't read yet, because the really talented bit of his brain is using up all the mental resources normally set aside for basic literacy. So we've decided to move to the Shetland Islands where there is this fantastic school for really special children who have trouble adjusting to normal education because of their incredible talent..."

[The remainder of this monologue can be heard at any playgroup - Ed]

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