French boffins invent new health super drink

French boffins have invented a new health super drink which they claim will revolutionise society.

Scientists at the Centre Evian pour L'Eau in Paris have discovered that combining two hydrogen atoms with one oxygen atom produces a stable, tasteless liquid that the body easily absorbs and even uses as a transport medium for unwanted waste products.

Mass production has begun on the chemical compound - called "water" by its inventors - and their sponsoring company is already shipping bottles of "Detox Evian". They are confident of its success and have backed the launch with a huge advertising campaign which claims the product is "the key to putting the spring back in your step for a healthy start to the New Year".

While the benefit of the liquid on calf muscles has yet to be verified independently, other scientists have confirmed Evian's claims over the new compound. But those behind the discovery believe drinking is only the first of many uses for Water™.

Other practical applications are thought to include:

• Washing
• Cooking
• Cleaning
• Filling rivers
• Making things "damp"
• Putting out fires
• Squirting