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Scientists predict ‘definitive’ list of predictions by 2003

Scientists worldwide have called an international conference at which wild speculation about future technological developments will be brought under central control for the first time.

The move comes in response to increasing public irritation at the seemingly endless promises made by science which more often than not come to nothing.

"People have been waiting for a flying car since the 1940s," noted one expert in scientific predictions. "To date, no-one has been able to deliver a viable product."

The plan will mean that every prediction will have to be authorised by a committee of experts who will set a realistic date for fulfilment. Frivolous or exaggerated claims will be rejected.

"We expect that this will put an end to wannabe celebrity scientists endlessly shooting their mouths off about how disease will have been eradicated by 2025 and genetically-perfect children will be a reality by 2050," noted one conference organiser.

While the man in the street has warmly welcomed the announcement, certain media are less than happy. "How the hell will we fill the schedules if we can't run endless documentaries stating categorically that every household will have an intelligent robot to do the washing up by 2011?" raged one broadcaster. A print media colleague agreed, adding: "We fill seven billion column inches each year with pompous proclamations as to the prospects for the colonisation of space. No amount of B-list celebrity sex scandal is going to fill that, is it?"

The conference organisers have predicted that a definitive list of predictions would be available by 2003. "I'm absolutely convinced that humanity will be seeing the benefits of this initiative by then," enthused one.

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