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US wins international humanitarian award

America has been awarded the 2002 Humanitarian Country Award for its handling of the Afghanistan conflict and the "exceptional" way in which it has treated subsequent Taliban prisoners, we can reveal.

The award's multi-national panel of judges was particularly impressed with the way the US flew prisoners out of the country and placed them in cages on a military base in Cuba. "It was bound to be a sensitive issue," said one panel member. "But by saying that the Geneva Convention doesn't apply to them, placing them in shackles and containing them in two metre square cages open to the elements, America has dampened criticism that it is a bullying nation."

Judges also spoke to some of the prisoners, who all said they may have been mistaken in their belief that the US behaved worse than some dictatorships even though it is a democracy. Much store was also put in the administration refusal to grant the CIA's request to officially allow torture of prisoners. "By saying no to the demand to legalise torture, America has shown the rest of the world how to behave in any conflict," the Chinese judging representative told us.

America was also applauded by the British government for moving the prisoners to Cuba instead of to US soil, where they would have been able to benefit from the ideals of democratic justice. Instead, the special military courts approved by President Dubya will give the terrorists the opportunity to freely confess their sins.

The US' refusal to declare war on Afghanistan when it was able to bomb the country without such complications has also freed prisoners from the constraints of the Geneva Convention and left the way open for their summary execution once found guilty.

Although a free and vigorous press is essential in a democracy, the international judging committee was delighted by the US' decision to ban any images or sound recordings of the prisoners by the media and disallow any interviews. The move was essential to reduce the risk of prejudicing any future trial, the committee stated.

The Humanitarian Country Award is awarded annually to the country which demonstrates the most respect for human life and extends the notion that every person has a right to impartial justice and basic amenities. It was first awarded to Germany in 1944 and other winners include Nigeria, El Salvador and Cambodia.

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