Those War on Terror™ reader poll results in full

Well, the votes have been counted in our "Who should we bomb next in the War on Terror™?" reader poll.

In the end it was a close-run thing, but while the good burghers of Baghdad will tonight be breathing a collective sigh of relief, it's time for talented actress Calista Flockhart to make her way to the nearest bunker.

Calista — who has up to now merely had to battle accusations of anorexia — now faces the prospect of fighting off wave upon wave of daisycutter-bearing aircraft, laser-guided munitions and US special forces.

Running Flockhart a close second we have Iceland. Naturally, we here at The Rockall Times applaud our readers' good taste in nominating this worthless land of volcanic outspewings and overpriced lager. Doubtless voters were aware of the country's claim on Rockall and its surrounding oil-rich undersea plateau. The message is this: Hands off, Magnusson, or suffer the consequences.

Discernment also prevailed in awarding third place to Basingstoke. Our international readers may be perplexed by the special place reserved in our hearts for Basingstoke. Our advice is this — spend a long weekend there, then see how you feel.

Disappointingly, 144 slack-arsed pinko degenerates insisted that we "leave 'em alone". Suffice it to say, we have passed your details on to the relevant authorities, who will be in touch shortly, probably carrying guns.

After that, well, the results speak for themselves. Good to see multi-talented scouse TV presenter Cilla Black getting good grass roots support. As she herself might say: "We've had a lorra, lorra laughs." And so we have, except, that is, for poor old Calista. She's not laughing any more, is she?

Those results in full:

1. Calista Flockhart (259 votes)
2. Iceland (238)
3. Basingstoke (163)
4. Leave 'em alone (144)
5. Cilla Black (128)
6. Washington (119)
7. Al Gore (108)
   David Blunkett (108)
8. All of the above (70)
9. Iraq (23)
10. Yemen (12)
11. Somalia (10)
12. Cuba (3)