Burmese authorities apologise for late running of democracy

The Burmese military regime may have to be nationalised with shareholders picking up the cost, it was revealed today. The shock news comes just two days after the authorities released an official apology for the late running of democracy in the country.

The regime was brought in as an experiment after the democratic process was damaged early on with the assassination of legendary Burmese independence leader Aung San in 1947. But although it was wowed by the City in its early years and benefited from a good press thanks to its novel imprisonment and torture policy, recent years have seen managerial problems overshadow any successes.

It is now thought that with the imminent release from house arrest of opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi, the regime's nationalisation is all but inevitable. Suu Kyi, daughter of Aung San, has been a frequent critic of the regime — at one stage actually winning a landslide election victory; since ignored for 12 years. Burma also became headline news when she received the Nobel Peace Prize but was prevented from receiving it.

Thanks to its poor performance (it is continually last in the world human rights league tables and still promotes slave labour), the regime also faces enormous fines that may see it go under. Despite releasing many of its assets in a bid to stay afloat, it remains in trouble and retains only 1,500 political prisoners. Public confidence in the regime has hit rock bottom.

It is expected that Mrs Suu Kyi and her supporters — once released from jail — will step in as administrators to sort out the financial mess before recommending it is made the property of the people. Mrs Suu Kyi is known as a follower of democratic economics.

With such a solution it is also likely that the US will lift sanctions on the country so the Burmese people can eat hamburgers in front of Ally McBeal reruns.