I’m at work. I’m bored. Make me laugh.

Trawl Rockall for:

Supermodel fights newspaper race hate vendetta

Supermodel Naomi Campbell wept in open court this week as her invasion of privacy case against The Daily Mirror took a turn for the personal.

Highly talented Campbell, 31, who had been pictured by the paper leaving a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, sobbed uncontrollably as she described how exhaustion caused by her tireless charity work led to a drug-induced breakdown.

The supermodel's closest friends had been concerned for some time that she was pushing herself too hard in her crusade against international hunger and poverty. "She never thinks about herself," said one. "It's always 'I'll be fine, but what about the Romanian orphans?' She's a sort of Mother Teresa, really."

Ms Campbell is highly regarded in the fashion industry for her cheerful professionalism and friendly demeanour. She did, however, admit to the court that the pressures of organising humanitarian airlifts to famine-tortured Africa led occasionally to "difficult" behaviour.

When asked by the defence to clarify "difficult", Campbell cited "shouting at people a lot, attacking people frequently, hurling abuse at all and sundry, and locking myself in my dressing room for three hours."

The Mirror's lawyer then continued his assault on the hapless Campbell, asserting that she was, in fact, a complete waste of space and "as much use a chocolate teapot".

"I take that to be a racist slur," responded Campbell angrily.

"That depends on whether it's milk or plain chocolate," noted the judge, further requesting that the defence clarify this point.

"I'm afraid your Honour has me at a disadvantage," admitted the Mirror's lawyer. "I meant the term generically to denote any soft substance which might melt in the presence of hot water. In preparing our case we did not take into account the ratio of cocoa powder to milk."

At this point the judge was forced to adjourn for two days after Campbell complained that his robes did not match her carefully-selected outfit, attacked a court usher when he refused to carry her luggage to the limo and then barricaded herself in the women's toilet demanding a "substantial appearance fee" for the hearing.

 Email an enemy  Pub-friendly printable version  ‘Society’ index page