Boy Scouts take lead in Afghan rebuild effort

Head of the British Boy Scouts, Sir Nevil Spotbinder, announced today that Britain would be sending up to 5,000 scouts to Afghanistan.

Speaking at the organisation's headquarters in Chingford and accompanied by Foreign Secretary Jack Straw, Spotbinder explained that the scouts would assist troops in rebuilding the war-torn country.

"My boys' skills at pitching tents, rubbing sticks together, organising group games and singing around campfires would be of invaluable assistance to the British soldiers already in position," he told the assembled journalists. "In addition, the people of Afghanistan could not fail to be moved by such a warm gesture of goodwill, especially when they see their youthful thighs rubbing together in those tight grey shorts." The Scouts will help to organise cricket matches and other wholesome activities, rasing the morale of both the British troops and the Afghan citizens.

Sir Nevil said the character-building expedition, which will only include Scouts over the age of 10, would also benefit the youths by teaching them to help others, see and understand a foreign culture and learn how to crap in holes.

Mr Straw added the support of the government with the donation of 15,000 packs of Imodium and 2,000 cases of Spam to the intrepid adventurers. But he did warn about the dangers of operating in Afghanistan. "Remember not to pick up any yellow containers," he told the boys. "They are intended for Afghan children only."