Zimbabwe criticised over election links with US dictatorship

The government of Zimbabwe has been lambasted by EU observers following accusations that president Mugabe has forged close ties with the dictatorship running the United States of America.

The observers — sent to oversee the forthcoming elections — say they have evidence which points to a US-inspired plan to rig the result in his favour using small punch-holes called chads.

While officials have admitted that Mugabe recently met the US dictator George Dubya, they refused to say what was discussed, claiming it is a matter of national security and anyone that asks any more about it will be put in jail, okay whiteskin.

However, opposition MPs have told the international press that the sudden introduction of expensive punch-hole voting cards is little more than an attempt to steamroll democracy. The same system was used to great effect by the US in its elections, providing Dubya with his contested victory.

It is also thought that a tie-up with Zimbabwe would be beneficial to the US, seeing as the rest of the world wants nothing to do with them anymore.

A Zibabwean official last night described the whole chad notion as "UK government black propaganda". The idea of using punch-holes to rig the election is ludicrous, he said, especially since only one name will appear of the ballot paper — that of democratically-elected leader Robert Mugabe.