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Football ace barters soul for glittering career

News has emerged today that sheds new light on the ongoing contract negotiations between Manchester United and David Beckham.

As has been well documented, the main stumbling block to a continuation of the star's contract at Premiership-leading football club remains the distribution of image rights.

It had been previously thought that Beckham was prepared to settle for no less than 20 per cent of the value of T-shirts, endorsed football boots and any other shi*t people pay him enough to promote. However, it has now become apparent that he is not the major player in the deal.

At a crowded press conference today none other than the PRINCE OF DARKNESS himself admitted that he owns a 51 per cent controlling interest in the midfield maestro.

It seems that the young David cut a naïve deal with the Lord Of The Flies in 1998, exchanging just over half of all future earning potential and his Holy Immortal Soul in all perpetuity for a glittering career, trophy wife and a crack at the Krauts.

The news is said to have come as a shattering blow for Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham who, it transpires, mistakenly believed that simply marrying the country's leading football star gave her 66 per cent of him.

Perhaps more importantly, Sir Alex Ferguson is reportedly "incandescent with rage" over the affair. Beckham is said to be only the player at Old Trafford other than Roy Keane whom Sir Alex does not own outright.

It appears that Beelzebub has recently been taking measures to increase his portfolio of sports stars. He has already invested in the aforementioned Keane as well as Gianfranco Zola (who reputedly traded his Life Essence for a sweet left foot and the physical appearance of a Goblin), veteran midfielder Zinedine Zidane and Channel 4 horse fancier John McCririck.

The Prince Of Lies told The Rockall Times that he hoped his increasing collection of athletes would help usher in "a new and darker age of rage and pain in preparation for the coming of My Spawn, He Who Is Become Death, Destroyer Of Worlds."

This rush to buy has come of a result of God's disastrous acquisition of Mike Tyson and Lee Bowyer only thirteen months ago and the increasing market strength of The Fallen One.

Sir Alex has sworn that he will wrest control of Beckham from Satan even if it requires "fire, brimstone, and a complete rescheduling of the club's European itinerary".

A spokesperson for Victoria said that she was recuperating in Gucci after the shock revelation.

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