Fat man sues Tyson

Nevada State boxing officials confirmed yesterday that a writ had been served on former world boxing champion Mike Tyson.

Clint "The Sponge" Smith, 41, of Newbury in Berkshire informed the world's boxing press at a hastily arranged conference that he was suing the bad boy of pugilism for a sum in excess of $130 million. "I just want what's mine," shouted Smith from an upstairs window, "It could have been me."

Senior commentators expressed scepticism when Smith alleged that Tyson had cheated him out of a glittering career in the ring.

"We've checked the British Boxing Board of Control's records and he's never fought in his life," confirmed Golinka Tumor of Ringside magazine. I mean," she laughed, "just look at the state of him."

The Sponge's mother was able to supply some details of the astounding claims as she left the family's luxurious council flat for her weekly bath. "Oh don't mind him," she screamed. "I've had it up to here with him and his bloody stories. Contender this and contender that! Gets right on my tits, he does. I blame Sky Sports."

Police were called when Smith, challenged by a next door neighbour, attempted to demonstrate that he could in fact fight his way out of a paper bag, in the process trapping his arm in a Peshwari Nan wrapper. A source close to the Smith family confirmed that The Sponge had been fascinated with the noble art for many years. "He used to hang himself from his Mum's washing line when he was about fourteen, thought it would make his ears stick out like a real boxer."

Remarkably, Tyson's legal team responded to the claim by saying that there might be some truth in the claim. "You know Mike," Batson Dufrelle shrugged. "The big guy is capable of just about anything. Except rape," he added quickly. "Mike never raped no-one. There's no money in it."