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Lancashire man constructs world's tallest Welsh dresser

A Lancashire man has constructed the world's tallest Welsh dresser, we can reveal. At an incredible 74 FEET it towers head-and-shoulders above the previous tallest free-standing piece of domestic furniture.

Retired engineer Arthur Gristlethwaite, 71, told The Rockall Times proudly: "For thirty-seven years the tallest piece of furniture in the world was a German coat stand. But that was a mere 45 feet. This is a great moment for Britain."

Arthur's monumental dresser is comprised of three cubic yards of knotty pine and an incredible 4,000 screws. It took seven months to construct in a specially-adapted shed and can accommodate up to 1,200 pieces of decorative china.

However, while most wives would be delighted at the extra storage capacity, Arthur's wife Gladys is fuming. "It's got nothing to do with national pride," she told us. "It's because that Fred Postferret from the British Legion made a 274-foot-long sideboard. That was it for Arthur. I tell you, they're like a couple of kids."

Gristlethwaite dismisses the suggestion that Postferret's sideboard is a threat. "I respect Fred as a craftsman, but length is hardly an engineering challenge, is it? It's vertical height that counts."

The matter may soon be resolved. Gristlethwaite has received a summons from the local council warning him that under emergency measures drafted by home secretary David Blunkett, the maximum permitted height of a Welsh dresser is 22 feet.

"While we admire Arthur's achievement, it's fact that any excessively tall item of furniture is an obvious target for Al-Qaeda suicide pilots. In the War against Terror™, national security is paramount. The Welsh dresser must go."

Gristlethwaite is planning to appeal and has said that he will not abandon plans for a 540-foot stack of nesting coffee tables.

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