Home Office releases footage urging Iraq attack

The government released a videotape this morning which it claims "proves beyond any shadow of a doubt" that Iraq needs to be bombed.

The previously unseen and shocking footage clearly shows the slaughter of innocent Jews by Nazis in June 1943 and comes just hours after prime minister Tony Blair informed that public that Gulf War II: Another Stab had begun at 23.00 hours on Sunday.

Home Secretary David Blunkett said of the tape: "Although I have not seen the film personally, my dog tells me that it presents further clear evidence of the appalling cruelty of the Nazi regime. In 1939, we acted swiftly and with great courage to stop the advance of Nazism in Europe. And we retain that commitment to preventing unjustified genocide, which is why we have pre-empted the dictator Saddam Hussein's plans by bombing him last night."

Since the final collapse of the Third Reich in June 1945, Hitler's regime has been uniformly criticised for its human rights violations, with even former Nazi officials privately admitting that they did not handle the "Jewish question" with appropriate sensitivity to cultural diversity.

Blindgit drew reference to these facts when he told assembled reporters: "There is no doubt that the world is a happier place without Hitler in it. The Second World War was absolutely justified and I would like to remind people of the worthy and brave actions of the British Government at that time. Although only two members of the present Cabinet were alive in 1939, we have all learnt from the past and in particular how to deal with expansionist despots."

Prime minister Blur announced this morning that the middle part of Iraq that the US/UK coalition hadn't bombed since the first Gulf War had been bombed last night. In his speech, live on air, he told UK citizens: "There are times when we must act against our immediate instincts in order to prevent a greater catastrophe in the reckoning of time. We did act. We have acted. I have acted. You have acted. He, she and it have acted. And they — the bombs — have acted as well.

"We used all the weapons at out disposal. Big ones. Little ones. Even the ones with the funny camera-thing on the front. You should've seen it. Fantastic."