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Pop singer admits heterosexuality

Teen heart-throb Justin Timberyard has shocked his millions of fans by saying: "I'm sorry, I'm straight."

Timberyard, 24, singer with gusset-moisteners Boyz-R-Us, told B-list Celebrity magazine: "I just couldn't go on living a lie. I owe it to my fans to tell them the truth. I just hope they understand."

Although Timberyard's "close friend" George Michael is said to be beside himself at the news, and has cancelled a tour of European public conveniences, fans have posted thousands of messages of support on his website. "Talent will triumph over prejudice," said Natalie, 13. "I'll always love you, queer or not," declared Rebecca, 6.

Timberyard left his Hertfordshire mansion this morning without his trademark moustache and goatee beard. Also gone were the leather trousers and waistcoat — replaced by a pair of elasticated-waist slacks and polo shirt. He declined to comment to the assembled press further than noting: "My career goes on. I believe in my fans, and I believe that they believe in me."

Perhaps not. An industry insider told The Rockall Times: "It's a tough business. Starting your career straight and then coming out of the closet is the industry norm, but having already come out of the closet before you started and then saying 'sorry, I got my closets mixed up' is not something the punters will accept lightly. Oh no."

Angry parents' reactions to the news seem to confirm this analysis. "I'm disgusted," snorted one single mother of two. "I only let my 12-year-old daughter buy his records safe in the knowledge that her pubescent lust was unlikely to be reciprocated. This changes everything. No daughter of mine is going to lose her virginity during a back-seat stretch limo orgy after a Boyz-R-Us concert. She'll be watching Michael Barrymore from now on, I can tell you."

Timberyard's England World Cup anthem Left foot, right foot, gooooooooooal! is released on 20 April.

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