UK jail lezzers in correctional orgy of lust

The incredible revelation that seven female officers in London's Holloway Prison ruled the entire jail through sexual intimidation and fear is just the TIP of the lesbian ICEBERG, we can reveal.

The officers, known as "The Magnificent Seven", INTIMIDATED other female staff until they too drank from the furry cup, RITUALLY HUMILIATED male colleagues and generally misbehaved in a manner previously unseen outside the confines of late-night television prison dramas.

But, despite a Home Office investigation and their removal from the prison, our sources reveal that such Sapphic depravity has already infected HUNDREDS of our public servants, and that the so-called "Lipstick Mafia" effectively control 90 PER CENT of the UK.

During a seven-month investigation, female Rockall Times investigators infiltrated to the very highest echelons of the "Dildo Dons". Their shocking report catalogues a litany of outrages, including:

• A Colombian-style drugs cartel entirely controlled by five Basingstoke primary school dinner ladies.
• A stable of two hundred prostitutes administered by three knife-wielding members of a Cambridgeshire mother and toddler group.
• International trafficking in arms and banned chemical weapons co-ordinated from a beauty salon in Hull.
• A protection and extortion racket ruthlessly enforced by members of The London Borough of Haringey's women's unit

One terrified female civil servant, who asked not to be named, told our reporter: "It goes right to the very top. When I was called in to investigate Railtrack's finances, I found that three senior employees, known as "The Witches of Railtrack" had been supplying vital signalling equipment to the Russian Mafia in return for hardcore Slavic porn. They would then sell this on the black market, launder the funds through an offshore account in the Seychelles and use the proceeds to finance an extravagant orgiastic Amazonian lifestyle. When I told my male boss, he told me to 'forget it' and locked himself in the lavatory for three weeks."

Another fear-crazed female, identified only as Maureen, told us of her time in a small Home Counties bakery: "The four shop assistants, who we called "The Capos of Cunnilingus", ran the entire village through systematic terror. Minicabs, cannabis, firearms, pub fruit-machines — you name it, they took a piece of it. Even the local vicar would bring down an envelope stuffed with cash once a week. That way, the lead stayed on the church roof."

Our evidence further extends to the shocking roll-call of explicit violence which the "Strap-on Sisters" use to enforce their brutal "Axis of Aphrodite". This includes punishment beatings, kneecappings and ritual satanic sacrifice, all of which are too fearful to be fully detailed in a public newspaper.

One thing is certain — we ignore the inexorable rise of the "Girl-on-Girl Gangstas" at our peril. We have made our dossier available to the male authorities.