Sacre Bleurgh: Aussie bone cult swoop on French corpse

A French corpse has given thousands of deranged Australians the bone, our cobber from Down Under reports.

Thousands of Australians have been flocking to catch a glimpse of the skeleton of a young French woman currently on a grim international tour. The grisly exhibit has been making its way from city to city to the howls of glee of a twisted bone cult.

The cult, known simply as the Roman Catholic Church, claims to have had members in Australia for nearly two hundred years and are reported to have vast stores of wealth in off-shore hideouts.

The dry old carcass is said to be that of a young woman named "Saint" Therese of Lisieux, dead for more than a hundred years. It has been carefully placed behind reinforced glass to protect it from the disturbed masses attempting to kiss the case. Others have been seen rolling their eyes and wailing or down on all fours banging the ground with their fists.

A spokesman for the group, wishing to play the matter down, has said that most of the followers agree that the bones themselves have no magical powers and are of symbolic value. Health officials however have said that all they really know of these human remains are that they are old and they are French.

"The French", said a spokesman today, "still use septic tanks and even most restaurants don't even have proper toilets. If these bones get out and into people's mouths then Heaven knows what might happen."

Not satisfied with the occasional visit of a good clean skeleton, some of these ghoulish worshippers are calling for less sanitary bits of dead cult members to go on show. One fanatic told reporters that he was calling on the headquarters of the "religion" to send over the severed breasts of a woman called Agatha. This woman apparently died hundreds of years ago (when her breasts were severed), but followers still have these dried up parts stored away.

"Agatha's breasts are pretty big and we want to see them. Just think what it would be like to touch them and kiss them", said one Roman Catholic today.