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  Monday 25th March 2002  Information   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Those DNA recycling reader poll results in full

We bid a tearful goodbye to The Rockall Times PR bunnies
by De Management

It was a tearful Monday morning here at The Rockall Times' luxury suite of offices as our highly-trained statistics team collated the results of our DNA recycling reader poll.

To recap, we asked readers Whose DNA might geneticists put to a more productive use? The result is conclusive: With an astounding 2,298 votes, it's time that PR women everywhere presented themselves for "genetic reassignment". Suffice it to say, our own PR bunnies Colita and Lucita will be sorely missed, but scientists assure us that they will make good use of the few useful bits of DNA that they actually do possess. Look out for a new blonde, blue-eyed stormtrooper with incredible intelligence, superhuman strength and excellent flip-chart skills in the near future.

Also up for genetic disassembly are air hostesses, with a mile-high 802 votes. No argument there, although we should spare a thought for male airline stewards who will have to find an alternative source of hot make-up tips.

Hamsters are for the chop, too, bless 'em, coming in third with 697 votes. An inoffensive animal, but ultimately useless. Dissappointingly, they beat roving pop mouthpiece Bono into fourth place. At just 535 votes, he might just get away with it. Assuming that is, he keeps a low profile and his mouth firmly shut for, say, ten years or so.

TV chefs also need to watch their backs. We reckon that 180 votes is enough to fire a warning shot across their bows. You have been warned.

The other results are outlined below. We would, however, like to conclude by lamenting the lack of hostility towards our traditional enemy Iceland. On the other hand, they could probably genetically modify themselves for the better by simply increasing their gene pool, i.e., stopping having sex with their relatives, as is the local custom.

Those results in full:

  1. PR women (2298 votes)
  2. Air hostesses (802)
  3. Hamsters (697)
  4. Bono (535)
  5. TV chefs (180)
  6. Icelanders (99)
  7. Politicians (98)
  8. Estate agents (64)
  9. Webmasters (63)
  10. Voters (33)
  11. TV presenters (24)
  12. TV pundits (20)
 Go on then, hard man