I’m at work. I’m bored. Make me laugh.

Trawl Rockall for:

American baffled by row over UK spoilt brats

Arlen Davis, local sheetmetal worker, bowler and American citizen, expressed confusion Monday last after learning of the festering row over the so-called "terror triplets" in the UK.

Thirteen-year-olds Shane, Natalie and Sarah Morris, from Gillingham, Kent, were found guilty this month of violating an anti-social behaviour order imposed on them in 2001. Perplexed by the scandal, Davis vowed to "personally cross the pond and beat those little shits to within an inch of their lives. Jesus!"

Speaking from the bar at Shorty's, a local tavern patronized by working class slobs and seedy women in Montana, Davis rambled extensively, if incoherently on the subject of the "terror triplets" for two-and-a-third hours. "'Anti-social behaviour order?' — what the fuc*k is that anyway? If my kids were to be tried in a court of law for being 'anti-social', they'd have to give the little brats the chair!" Davis then mumbled something about his wife.

Experts on adolescent behavior in America have been quick to point out that such activities as kicking a door and shouting profanities at a Woolworth's security guard remain typical of most American suburban youths.

"It's easy to see how Mr. Davis is outraged at the scandal caused by the Morris children. I mean, go to any local shopping mall and you’ll see kids smoking, doing drugs, shoplifting, fighting and, certainly, shouting profanities. Hell, I just spent three hours in counselling with a 12-year-old who was arrested for running over his neighbour’s cat with a lawn mower," remarked child psychologist Mark Davis [no relation] of the Missouri Child Rehabilitation Facility.

No word was available as of press time regarding Arlen Davis' upcoming visit to the UK.

 Email an enemy  Pub-friendly printable version  ‘Society’ index page