Archaeologists reconstruct hanging baskets of Babylon

In a move which has shaken the world of archaeology to the very bedrock on which its foundations stand, two men have dismissed the story of the hanging gardens of Babylon as "fantasy".

Speaking at a packed press conference, Otto von Heyerdal declared the gardens "complete nonsense". Von Heyerdal and his brother Eric claim to have evidence which will necessitate a complete re-evaluation of the legend.

Accounts indicate that the gardens were built by King Nebuchadnezzar, who ruled Babylon for 43 years from 605 BC. Nebuchadnezzar allegedly embarked on the mammoth project to cheer up his homesick wife Amyitis, daughter of the king of the Medes. Her homeland was green, rugged and mountainous. Unsurprisingly, she found the flat, sun-baked terrain of Mesopotamia depressing. The king decided to recreate her homeland by building an artificial mountain with rooftop gardens.

"Why bother?" noted Eric von Heyerdal. "Most women are happy with a shed, a couple of dwarf conifers and a hanging basket. It hardly seems likely that Nebuchadnezzar would divert vital temple-building resources simply to placate his nagging wife. To be frank, he could have avoided the horticulture altogether by getting her some new shoes and a handbag."

"That's right," agreed Otto von Heyerdal. "The entire myth hangs on the translation of the word 'garden'. Just insert 'basket' and you have a more realistic scenario."

The brothers were, however, challenged on the text of Greek historian Diodorus Siculus, who clearly stated that the platforms on which the garden stood consisted of huge slabs of stone covered with layers of reed, asphalt and tiles. Otto was unimpressed. "That's a patio, isn't it?" he quipped.

Further support for the brothers' theory has come from sociologists. One leading authority — and author of The Garden: Battlefield of the Sexes — told The Rockall Times: "Men have a genetic propensity for doing the minimum work necessary to placate their mate. If pressed, they might knock up a brick barbecue, but hanging gardens? Not a chance. I see no reason why King Nebuchadnezzar should be any different."

Meanwhile, housewives' favourite and TV horticultural guru Alan Titchmarsh has confirmed that the Babylonians certainly had the advanced scientific knowledge necessary to complete a successful hanging basket project. "Although we can only speculate as to how the baskets might have looked," he noted, "it's probable that pelargoniums featured heavily in the planting scheme."