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W3C approves HTML 4 'emotitags'

The World Wide Web Consortium (W3C) has approved a number of new html 'emotitags' which will revolutionise the web surfing experience.

The tags have no physical effect, but rather elicit a strong emotional response from the reader. Top of the list is <wot> (War on Terror™). The tag, when judiciously applied, will immediately provoke violent anger against ragheads, thus:

<wot>Charity agencies report that Iraqi leader Sadaam Hussein has adopted the African dictatorial habit of eating his political opponents.</wot>

Of particular interest to British code-monkeys is the new <iht> (I'm hurting too). This is designed for use when reporting on the life of Elizabeth the Queen Mother and other recently dead famous people:

<iht>She touched our lives in so many ways with her common touch and her instinctive understanding of ordinary people. She will be sadly missed.</iht>

The instantaneous effect is to reduce the reader to teary-eyed and self-indulgent wallowing in which he or she becomes unaccountably upset about the death of a complete stranger.

Political reporting also looks to benefit from the new <spin> tag. Any government ministerial pronouncement is thus rendered immediately transparent:

<spin>Tony Blair was quick to defend transport secretary Byers, calling him "the most honest man it has been my privilege to know".</spin>

And, in a much-needed boost to satire sites, W3C has formally ratified the controversial <nolibel>. This guarantees any text contained within it complete immunity from prosecution:

<nolibel>Naomi Campbell, we can confirm, is a talentless, drug-addicted perjurer who believes that good looks alone can justify her appalling and obnoxious behaviour.</nolibel>

The new tags have been warmly received by the programming community. W3C has, however, warned that they are to be used economically. It has further cautioned that they should never be used together, since the effect on the reader could be catastrophic:

<wot><iht><spin>In response to reports that the Queen Mother had fallen victim to Sadaam Hussein's Axis of Evil™ chemical weapons programme, Stephen Byers noted: "She was everybody's favourite grandmother who touched the lives of billions. The only consolation we can gain from this tragedy is that all of the UK's trains will be running on time by next Monday. And you can quote me on that."</spin></iht></wot>

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