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Pope's Easter gig absolutely a-drool-ling

Pope John Paul Two has been berated by fans over his poor Easter performance.

The Easter Mass Festival, held again at St. Peter's Basilica in Rome has become a regular part of the worship calendar. But the pontiff left many of his loyal groupies feeling shortchanged. People had queued all day for a glimpse of the white one but John Paul Two didn't even bother to sign autographs and went straight to the RIP lounge at leading Italian venue The Vatican.

When he did appear on stage, observers say he was drooling and barely conscious. "He spent most of the time rambling nonsensically and napping," one angry mother from Kent told us. "We waited eight hours to see him, and my daughter's crying her eyes out because she couldn't see a thing," Mrs Jennifer said. "How does the Pope expect people to go and see his Mass if he can't be bothered to stay awake? All I saw was a flash of saliva and that was it. Plus, I think he said something about cats."

Several churchgoers began to boo Paul Two, and there were unconfirmed reports of rosaries nearly striking the Pope. The Pope's bodyguards cited security concerns and other reasons for the Pontiff's poor performance Sunday. "We are in a troubling time, and it was in His Eminence's best interest to refrain from working the crowds. Plus, he's really getting on. Just look at him. It's kind of sad — I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know where he is right now," reported Paulo Crockino, chief of Papal Security for the Vatican.

Loyal followers were not convinced however. "Infallible, my arse," one commented.

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