Fergie blows gasket at Venezuela anarchy

Manchester United supremo Sir Alex Ferguson has amazed colleagues with a violent outburst condemning recent events in Venezuela.

"You could see he was getting wound up when President Hugo Chavez was ousted by the military on Friday," a trembling lackey told The Rockall Times. "Then the interim president resigned and handed power back to the vice-president Diosdado Cabello. By this time Sir Alex was beside himself. He'd only just started to calm down when the incredible news came through that Chavez himself had been reinstated. He just went through the roof. Even Roy Keane hid in the showers — that's how serious it was."

Sir Alex's ire was further fuelled by reports that Arsenal coach Arsene Wenger supported the military action which originally ousted Chavez, despite the possible repercussions on TV revenue for the Premiership. "To be swapping presidents willy-nilly is totally unacceptable at this stage of the season," bellowed Ferguson. "Apart from prejudicing the club's European campaign, it also practically scuppers any chance of teams recouping the lost ITV Digital revenue."

Sources close to the fighting Scotsman confirm that Sir Alex is being kept away from newspapers and television in case Chavez is forced from office once again before Manchester United's next vital Premiership tie.

Liverpool boss Gerard Houllier is said to be following doctor's orders to take no interest in Latin-American politics while recuperating from his heart bypass operation.