Blunkett to captain England v Argentina

Tony Blair announced a new initiative today in his War Against Anything Sensible™ by ousting oversexed Swede Sven Goran Eriksson and installing widely-admired Home Secretary David Blanket as the captain for England's vital World Cup match against Argentina.

"I'm not one to interfere," said Blair speaking from outside Britain, "but this is good for Britain and with Beckham out of action, Blindgit is the best man for the job."

"David", Blair added, "is the most far-sighted member of my cabinet, and his guide dog is undergoing intensive training to respond to the command 'Argies, Kill!'"

The England coach said that the Prime Minister had intended to take on this vital role himself, but would be giving Eric Clapton a guitar lesson that day and couldn't make it.

Steven "Teflon" Byers is widely tipped to play in goal so whatever the outcome, he could deny letting anything slip past him.