Swedish pair in sexual intimacy shocker

Two UK-based Swedes have indulged in full sexual relations, we can reveal. The shock move, during which they are alleged to have simultaneously sought sexual fulfilment WITH EACH OTHER, will shock their fellow countrymen who traditionally ESCHEW fornication for the pleasures of ALCOHOL and RAW FISH.

Eyewitnesses claim that suave international football coach Sven Goran Eriksson and talented TV weathergirl Ulrika Jonsson have been GOING AT IT like rabbits since meeting at a charity trampoline marathon two weeks ago.

"Yup, it's been Scandy rumpy-pumpy from dawn 'til dusk," said one paparazzi who claims to have spotted a bow-legged Jonsson staggering from Eriksson's London flat after a marathon four-day orgy of carnal depravity. "It fair turned my stomach, I can tell you."

Experts believe that the unnatural outburst of sexual activity may have been provoked by the unusually relaxed British attitude to sex. "This would never have happened in Stockholm, I can assure you," asserted one anthropologist. "Swedes rarely mate, despite spending most of their lives in close contact with members of their own species. Nudity is frowned upon, and open discussion of human love strictly taboo."

It seems likely that Jonsson's lust has been fuelled both by UK's lack of strictures on sexual freedom, and by the fact that she has finally met a footballer who does not express his feelings my punching her in the face. We wish the couple well.