RIP: Some fat bloke

Tributes have come pouring in over the sudden death of presenter Christopher Rice, who you didn't know but may vaguely recognise.

Rice, 34, who was found collapsed at his London flat on Monday, worked in the media and so we have given the event a disproportionate amount of coverage. Unfortunately because he hadn't actually done very much, we have had to pad out stories with quotes from other people you haven't heard of but we think are important.

Oh, except we got Kylie Minogue — who was once interviewed by Rice — to give him 11 words and she really is famous, so that's proof that he was worth covering. Saves writing another story on bloody Palestine anyway.

With Rice dead, we can reveal he was the consummate professional, enormously talented, everyone liked him, he had a winning way, an ease with famous people, a cutting wit and a massive John Thomas. And even though no one has ever heard of the programme he starred in on some TV backwater, everyone now agrees that he was going to be a huge star and would probably have become the voice of a generation.

We should mention the fact that he probably killed himself, or maybe not, whichever takes your fancy.