Fergie apoplectic at insect miscalculation

The pressure on Manchester United supremo Sir Alex Ferguson is beginning to tell, we can reveal.

No doubt already furious at the prospect that bitter rivals Arsenal will take the championship, Ferguson recently reacted violently to the news that scientists had probably miscalculated the total number of insect species on earth.

A spokesman for the club told The Rockall Times: "We've lost the ITV Digital money, we've lost the championship to the Gooners, and now this..."

Ferguson is reported to have broken up the Manchester United trophy room with a pool cue after learning that instead of the roughly 30-million-plus species previously suggested, new research indicates there are no more than four to six million different insect groups.

"It was the last straw," confirmed the spokesman. "After all, it's just this sort of miscalculation that can have serious financial ramifications. That's all Sir Alex wants to know — how the fuc*k are we going to pay the wages bill next season on these sorts of figures?"

Meanwhile, Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger is reported to be "relaxed" about the revision. "It's no problem," smirked one Highbury accountant. "We've already made provision for the shortfall."

But it is in the lower leagues that the impact might be most strongly felt. "All our promotion hopes rest on the discovery of further insect species in remote jungle areas," said a Norwich FC fan. "Fingers crossed."