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Germans plot world's longest noun

German scientists are planning a supernoun of extraordinary length, we can reveal.

Aerial reconnaissance photographs obtained by The Rockall Times appear to prove that Teutonic lexicographers intend to assemble a word of devastating potency.

The images of Peenemunde — a small island off the Baltic coast of Germany — suggest that huge resources have been pumped into the programme. An enormous facility, extending over 70 hectares, encompasses proving grounds, command bunkers and massive storage warehouses packed with highly volatile consonants.

Chillingly, the pictures also reveal that the Germans have already constructed vastly long dictionaries which will act as a delivery system for the new word.

"It's terrifying," admitted one visibly-shaken UK government translator. "We're defenceless against a noun of such improbable length."

Another expert, who asked not to be named, angrily told The Rockall Times: "We've had years of evidence that the Germans were preparing to construct the ultimate Übersubstantiv. Recent examples such as Datenübermittlungsabschnitt should have set alarm bells ringing, but we chose to ignore them. Now it may be too late."

However, some authorities have questioned the scientific viability of such a project. "The fact is that the Germans have already reached the viable limit on word length," asserted one. "Previous attempts to exceed this have resulted in a dangerously volatile and highly unlikely mix of consonants and umlauted vowels. The results have always been disastrous."

Berlin has been quick to refute the allegations. A government spokesman told us: "This is complete nonsense. The installation in question is involved in the manufacture of high-quality rocket parts. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to the debate on the Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungs-aufgabenübertragungsgesetz.

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