All hail our Rockall May Queen!

We here at The Rockall Times were recently lamenting the decline in ancient English springtime traditions. Indeed, it appears that the happy sight of children dancing round the Maypole has now been usurped by the ugly spectacle of malodorous anti-capitalist protestors gambolling riotously through the streets of London.

Well, we thought, what about a Rockall May Queen? A lovely idea, but let's face it, what are the chances of arranging a photo shoot on Britain's liveliest volcanic outcrop at such short notice?

The idea looked doomed to failure until, incredibly, local barmaid Victoria Ford informed us that she had once modelled for a Guano Marketing Board promotional calendar on the sacred rock itself. Despite our scepticism, Victoria quickly produced a stunning photo set depicting herself atop Rockall.

Victoria, known locally as Vickster, describes the shoot as "eventful". She recalls that she was persistently harassed by flocks of leering seagulls, as our photo proves. No matter — her selfless sacrifice in the name of art was for the greater benefit of mankind. Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you Victoria Ford. All hail our Rockall May Queen!