There’s fuc*k all on Rockall   57°35’48”N 13°41’19”W
Contact The Rockall Times Dramatic pictures of our 2003 assault on Rockall
  Monday 6th May 2002  Society   Powered by Yeast Logic
[E] [P] [I]

Metropolitan Police share price rockets

Annual results surpass analysts' expectations
by Kieren McCarthy

The Metropolitan Police saw its share price rise a staggering 13 per cent in early trading today as the organisation released its expected annual results.

The estimates greatly surpassed analysts' expectations and traders rushed toward the stock which has seen a new lease of life since Home Secretary David Blunkett was pulled in as a non-executive director.

"The law and order market has had a massive surge in recent months," one trader told us. "But this caught us by surprise. The Met is a large organisation which normally works on dividends. However, with new management at the helm, it is as flexible as modern security firms with the added bonus of a brand that is recognised nationwide."

The Met has had an excellent year to date, with accusations of institutional racism now far behind them and extra powers awarded by Parliament allowing it to compete cost-effectively in new segments of the market.

The share price was given an extra kick with the news of a legal battle due to start with Millwall football club over rioting by its fans outside the stadium after the team lost a vital end-of-season match against Birmingham.

"The Millwall case will set an important precedent," a City broker told us. "If they win that, the potential for future profits will go through the roof. Anyone who causes the police to have to open up their face with a truncheon could see themselves facing a hefty bill."

Observers say that anti-globalisation protesters — the majority of whom come from rich middle-class families — are likely to be the first to be targeted in this new age of profit-seeking policing.

Posse Rispek Checker