Madonna pushes back envelope of acting excellence

Star signs contract for major new TV production

by Lester Haines

In the wake of rave reviews for her appearance in Up for Grabs, which opened last Thursday at London's Wyndham's Theatre, Madonna has confirmed that she has secured the lead in a major new television production.

The talented all-rounder, who has once and for all given the lie to the widely-held belief that musicians cannot act, triumphed on the opening night of David Williamson's hilarious comedy about a greedy art dealer who is trying to offload a Jackson Pollock masterpiece.

"It was awesome," stammered one star-struck audience member. "You'd never have known she was supposed to be someone else. It was almost as if it was Madonna herself up there on the stage."

Madonna is said to be "ecstatic" at the play's critical reception, and looking for new challenges to extent her acting repertoire. Accordingly, she was happy to confirm that she has signed a two-year contract to appear in a series of ground-breaking creosote commercials.

"It's a great step forward for her as an actress," enthused one of her entourage. "After all, you have to be someone pretty special to be asked to appear as a shed on British TV."

The spokesman would not, however, confirm that Madge had demanded that she be allowed to play an American shed since she found the challenge of convincingly interpreting a British wooden structure currently beyond her burgeoning thespian talents.

Neither David Bowie, Sting nor Mick Jagger are understood to have yet seen Madonna's blockbusting performance.