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Blunkett in covert operations police reform

In a shock announcement today, home secretary David Blunkett revealed that following new laws on traffic cameras, police undercover operations are to be reformed.

Armed robbers have long claimed that covert attempts to catch them were unfair and a breach of human rights. At a press conference of major underworld "faces", spokesperson Bernie Coshem insisted: "The police just spring out of nowhere to make these arrests. There's no warning, nothing."

Mr Blindgit agrees and in future all police operations will be announced with loudhailers at least five minutes in advance. Additionally, police cars will only be permitted to operate in pre-allocated areas to be indicated by large notices. Attempts by the police to pursue criminals outside these areas will render any convictions unsound and will result in huge compensation payouts.

Blanket said: "As politicians, we get away with murder every day, I can't see why hard-working felons who are also trying to advance their own careers shouldn't have the same rights."

Bernie Coshem warmly embraced the reforms, enthusing: "It's only fair. If car drivers and railway companies can legally murder what's wrong with whacking a train driver a couple of times if it pays for my villa in Marbella?"

Great Train Robber Ronald Biggs attempted to contribute to the debate today but nurses refused to remove the feeding tube.

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