The Jubilee Years in pictures: 1973—1982

Your complete guide to five decades of the reign of her Imperial Majestyness Queen Elizabeth II

by Lester Haines

1973: Britain joins EU

1973

Elizabeth the Queen's third ten-year stint will end with Britain changed beyond recognition — apart, that is, from those bits which remain unchanged at its conclusion.

The catalyst for this radical transformation comes in the form of the UK's entry into the EU. Many oppose the move, most notably French farmers who are soon taking a well-earned break from counting their agricultural subsidies to torch British meat carcasses.

Nevertheless, most on our side of the Channel welcome the alliance, and await with eager anticipation the promised glut of vin de table and cut-price cigarettes. Many such optimists can still be seen today in the saloon bars of pubs, staring bitterly into a half of mild.

1974: Harold Wilson

1974

It's all change too on the domestic political front as Labour stagger into power led by the highly-charismatic Harold Wilson. Remembered chiefly for his trademark pipe and raincoat, Wilson enthuses over the "white heat of technology" which will power the new Britain.

Sadly, the contents of our scientific saucepan rarely rise above a gentle simmer. The same can be said of Wilson, who gradually slips into political oblivion as a notably lacklustre chat-show host.

1975: Bohemian Rhapsody

1975

The nation's music lovers breath a collective sigh of relief as five years of glam rock and Ritchie Blackmore's Rainbow are finally swept aside by the power chords of musical change.

Hard-rocking sustain guitar merchants Queen top the charts for months with Bohemian Rhapsody, a heady mix of opera and foot-stomping metal. And, despite its meaningless lyrics, the song will later be voted the UK's all-time favourite.

Sadly, lead singer Barry Bulsara, AKA Freddie Mercury, will once again top the UK's most wanted in 1999 after pumping a bullet into TV presenter Jill Dando. A sad end to an illustrious career.

1976: Cod War

1976

High jinx on the high seas as the Royal Navy comes to blows with Icelandic vessels over fishing rights. The so-called "Cod War" is regarded by many as the nadir of British military history, marked by a particular reluctance on the part of the government to shell Reykjavik, as is our right.

And while Jack Tar is trading brutal maritime curses with Jack Magnusson, Britain swelters under the sun of the hottest Summer on record. On the eve of Liz Two's Silver Jubilee, the temperature is rising and tempers are fraying...

1977: God save the Queen

1977

Sure enough, what should be a joyful celebration of our beloved Monarch's twenty-five years fronting every coin in the realm degenerates into farce as foul-mouthed Punk outfit The Sex Pistols top the charts with God save the Queen.

Indeed, where there should be bunting and cake there are mohicans and safety pins, where loudspeakers might otherwise broadcast pomp and circumstance, there is instead the three-chord disharmony of angry youth.

Still, royalty wins through in the end. Following the self-destruction of The Sex Pistols, the teenage peasants' revolt is ruthlessly subdued in a wave of New Romanticism and synthesised lounge music. Soon, peace once more settles the length and breadth of this green and pleasant land.

1978: Pope John Paul II

1978

Ask any man on the street in 1977 "Is the Pope a Catholic?" he would of course immediately reply in the affirmative. But ask the same man "Is the Pope a Pole?", the question would provoke only scornful laughter.

Nevertheless, in an incredible twist in the long and colourful history of Popery, 1978 sees Karol Wojtyla become Pope John Paul II — the first Polish Primate. The event is remarkable also for the amount of interest it creates among the British press, given that only eleven people in the UK still regularly attend church, and nine of them are Protestant.

This improbable turn of events leads men to re-evaluate the age-old poser: "Will Britain ever have a woman prime minister?" Chillingly, in 1978 this still provokes complacent ridicule.

1979: Margaret Thatcher

1979

They said it could never happen, but it does. On 3 May Margaret Thatcher becomes the first British prime minister with ovaries, swept into office on the promise of a pox on every union and a share certificate in every pocket.

The Lady does indeed prove not for turning as she relentlessly pursues her own private vision of what puts the Great in Britain. Universally feared by allies and enemies alike, Iron Maggie makes Brits feel good about themselves again.

Since being deposed in a bloody coup in 1992, she is fondly remembered in pub conversations nation-wide — normally in relation to immigration, homosexuality, Europe, TV violence, etc etc — with the solemn incantation: "It would never have happened under good old Maggie".

1980: Iranian Embassy siege

1980

Terrorists occupy the Iranian embassy in London and, much to the delight of the British viewing public, are quickly blown from the building by the Special Air Service on live television. The SAS — previously a little-known organisation — suddenly finds itself the centre of intense media interest.

In the spirit of Thatcherite free enterprise, the Regiment's members embark on a spectacular round of autobiography and pot-boiling memoir. So successful does this prove that no covert SAS operation is now complete without at least two hair-raising eye-witness hardback accounts of every last top-secret detail.

1981: Charles and Diana

1981

The United Kingdom takes a day off from filling out British Telecom share application forms to celebrate the union of Prince Charles and Diana Spencer.

The saintly Diana — truly the fairy on the top of the cake of fairytale princesses — quickly establishes herself as the peoples' "Queen of Hearts". Never in the history of monarchy is such unquestioning devotion from the little people so richly deserved.

But, cruelly out of place amid the strict protocol of State, Diana seeks solace in the arms of Rugby players and Arabs. And occasionally falls down stairs.

1982: The Falklands War

1982

Back to earth with a bang as Argentinian scrap dealers land on South Georgia. A shocked nation demands to know how a boatload of Argie pikeys could have got so close to the Shetland Islands without detection.

Shock turns to incredulity as we learn that the location in question is in fact thousands of miles away and is, along with the Falkland Islands, a strategically-important jumping-off point for exploitation of the huge oil reserves which undoubtedly lie beneath the South Atlantic. Argentina's despotic military Junta knows this, and soon dispatches a crack force of teenage conscripts to occupy the Falklands. All-out war quickly ensues.

In the end it is a close-run thing, with only the heroic intervention of nuclear hunter-killer submarine HMS Conqueror saving the British expeditionary force from disaster as the state-of-the-art Argie cruiser General Belgrano prepares to bring terrifying sea-borne death on the defenceless British Navy.

For Margaret Thatcher, it is her finest hour. Thirty years of Liz Two's open-ended contract end in an orgy of victory and patriotic fervour.