Head-swap doc reprimanded by GMC

The controversial doctor behind the notorious head-swap cases has been severely reprimanded by the General Medical Council.

Consultant surgeon and obsattrition Ronald Dock was found guilty of serious professional misconduct after the Council heard of his attempts to move the heads of his patients onto different bodies. The GMC stopped short of striking him off the medical register however and Dr Dock will continue to work at the Prince Regent hospital in Nottingham.

Mr Dock defended his actions, saying that he was hoping to transplant the cerebral cortex of several of his patients onto a different body, opening the way for a revolutionary new form of medicine. Eight of the nine patients involved were women and seven were notable for their cup size.

The GMC report criticises Dr Dock for failing in each case. "Dr Dock did not introduce sufficient safety measures into the operation, resulting in the suspension of brain activity in all but one case within seconds of cerebral detachment," it reads. The exception was 87-year-old Bert Indent, who it was alleged exclaimed "Bloody hell!" before lapsing into unconsciousness.

His yell alerted a nurse to the surgeon's Frankenstein efforts, who pulled back a curtain to find the old timer's head stitched onto the bikini-clad body of 25-year-old Marie Calven. The nurse in question later testified that she also spotted Dr Dock relieving himself into the detached head of Ms Calven, although the GMC said there was no supporting evidence for this claim and declined to consider it.

Despite the gravity of the situation, the GMC said it was satisfied with Dr Dock's promise to seek patient consent before carrying out any more radical operations, and that he was free to continue working in the Midlands.

The decision has prompted critics of the GMC to renew their campaign for an independent health review body however. "The Council behaves like a weird freemason cult, forgiving doctors guilty of the most appalling lapses in duty and depravity — and all due to some twisted belief that they are maintaining confidence in the medical profession," head protester Lucy Harich told The Rockall Times.

A spokesman for the GMC dismissed this complaint out of hand however. "There are always people that will stir up trouble if they can. Why are we expected to listen to this nonsense from people that have no grasp of the complexities of doctoring? None of these so-called protesters even have a medical degree."