Ariel Sharon holds second thought in head

Ultra-right members of the Israeli cabinet tore into Ariel Sharon at the weekend after the prime minister revealed in an interview with Shalom magazine that he was capable of holding more than one thought in his head at the same time.

If true, the revelation could see the end of Sharon's enormously successful reign and a return to the bad old days of discussion and gradual understanding between Israelis and Palestinians.

"Sometimes I watch the TV and at the same time ponder how to kill Yasser Arafat without sparking all-out conflict," he told the magazine. "But, as yet, no success." The shock news comes just days after Israeli troops invaded Palestinian towns and shot dead several suspected terrorists in response to a suicide bomber.

However, those who hoped Sharon might be able to approach the never-ending conflict in a different way will be disappointed. Sharon told Shalom: "We are nearing the end of this problem. The Palestinians have clearly seen the error of their ways and we expect them to vacate the area soon. In the meantime, we'll keep firing rockets at their houses."

This view was unexpectedly backed up by a leader of Hamas, who told us: "Ariel is right. What we thought we were doing, Allah only knows. He's shown us who's boss alright. I don't think we'll been seeing any more suicide bombers."

Meanwhile, a spokesman for the prime minister angrily denied claims though that Sharon's new-found powers enable him to see another person's point of view. "Don't be ridiculous," he told reporters. "Let's not forget this was the man responsible for the Sabra and Chatila massacres and who sparked the latest intifada by walking on the Temple on the Mount. Does that sound like a man who can see the world through someone else's eyes?"