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English express disappointment at lack of World Cup disappointment

The England football squad's unexpected victory over Argentina last week has left the nation reeling, we can reveal.

Shell-shocked fans are still trying to come to terms with events in the Sapporo stadium in which — contrary to expectations — our plucky lads stormed to a convincing win.

One fan, who admitted he was "still drunk", told The Rockall Times: "It just wasn't in the script. Me and me mates had gone to the pub fully expecting the traditional lacklustre performance leading to a humiliating defeat. I was struck dumb to be frank."

Experts confirm that this confused young man is not alone. "Millions of people found themselves utterly unable to express themselves in words," one told us. "Many had spend the week leading up to the historic clash preparing their post-match analysis in which they would grimly condemn their team's disastrous long-ball strategy while noting half-heartedly that the young players would doubtless put the experience to good use in the next World Cup which we would definitely win convincingly."

But while many continue to seek confused solace in strong drink, others have reacted angrily to the news. "I spent three days in a darkened room bracing myself for despair," noted one tearful man. "How could they do this to me?"

However, sports pundits predict that normality will once again return to this sceptred isle as an over-confident England prepare to meet Nigeria. "Oh yes, we'll get our arses kicked for sure," laughed one. "Happens every time."

We tried to get a reaction from Argentinian fans this morning, but it appears that the entire population of that troubled land has thrown itself into the sea.

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