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US fury at BBC 9/11 news bias

The US State Department has sent an angry official complaint to Tony Blair regarding the BBC's handling of 9/11 coverage, we can reveal.

In it, furious officials note that on Saturday 8 June, UK national news coverage contained not one reference to the tragic events of 9 November. Likewise, no regional programme contained an any item in which a connection to the destruction of the World Trade Center could be seen — despite several "clear opportunities to ram home the message".

The complaint cites one such broadcast, aired on BBC Look East at 1.23pm: "In it, a 73-year-old-woman is seen discussing her prize-winning marrow at the village fete. The CIA has since learned that the woman's nephew once visited New York and looked at the WTC from a mere 11 blocks' distance. It seems incredible that professional journalists missed an opportunity to quiz her on the terrible emotional effect this must have had on her."

More seriously, BBC news editors have confirmed that on the date in question they ignored a press release marked "From your Ally: Mandatory", which explained how tearful workers at Ground Zero solemnly moved a large US flag seven feet to the left so that they could do some vital maintenance to a section of fence.

BBC governors are said to be investigating the allegations, although one insider told The Rockall Times: "Well, there has been a lot going on, what with the World Cup and that India-Pakistan all-out nuclear war business. I mean, you can't just keep milking this one until the last syllable of recorded time, can you?"

Yes you can, according to the US. "Don't you know there's a war on, you morons?" shouted an enraged intelligence operative from the first floor of the US Embassy in London. "Don't make me come down there and whup your commie pinko faggot arses," he added, brandishing a hunting rifle.

"You can understand American frustrations," admitted a visibly-shaken government spokesman. "For them, the War on Terror™ is a sort of Ragnarok — the ultimate battle between good and evil. They simply don't understand that other countries like to take the occasional weekend off from the apocalyptic struggle, especially when the footy's on."

Meanwhile, we understand that Downing Street will attempt to defuse the situation by ordering blanket news coverage of anything to do with New York — as soon as England lift the World Cup on 30 June.

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