Ossie bin Laden plans TV comeback

Osama bin Laden is set to make a dramatic TV comeback, ITV sources have revealed.

The channel is believed to have offered the Saudi citizen £2 million for a three-show special to be shown at 9pm on Saturday. It is expected to follow the channel's usual chat-show formula.

His guests are expected to include Denise van Outen, Joe Pasquale, some tedious film movie tart, a self-effacing critic, a publicity-hungry politician and someone whose wife has just left them.

The commission is a dramatic comeback for the controversial Muslim, who was expected to become a TV regular just 10 months ago when his hard-hitting approach to American imperialism became a hit the world over and he was never far from the small screen.

However, despite his face being recognised the world over, Ossie has kept a low profile, preferring to spend time with his wives and suicidally loyal followers. The decision has met with criticism, however.

President Dubya is known to be livid with ITV over their approach to Mr Laden, insisting to know their channel of communication. An ITV spokeswoman told us only that the show's researcher, Emma, has simply called Mr Laden's agent in Dubai and asked for an interview.