Policy announcement: Medium density fibreboard

We here at The Rockall Times believe that, as scientific advances bring space-age DIY materials within the reach of the common man, there may be a need to stand back and consider where our frantic rush for progress is leading us.

Indeed, many have boarded the rollercoaster of home improvements without sufficient thought as to its final destination. So, while innovations such as nail-less adhesives and sponge gloss rollers are doubtless driving the campaign towards a brighter domestic future, can the same be said of medium density fibreboard (MDF)?

No-one is suggesting for a moment that we return to the dark ages of chipboard or, God forbid, oriented-strand board. But what are the implications for future generations of a widescale deployment of formaldehyde-bonded products?

Well, according to one DIY expert: "Your kids are going to die one day anyway, so don't worry about it."

That makes perfect sense. We do, however, have some advice for all those readers handling MDF:

• Always wear a face mask when cutting or working MDF
• An oil-based primer is an essential base for a perfect paint finish
• If you tell your wife on a Saturday morning that you'll have the shelving unit finished by Sunday evening, make sure you do. Don't even think about leaving the thing half assembled and going to the pub

That is The Rockall Times' formal policy concerning medium density fibreboard.