Pakistan nukes Israel, India nukes Iraq, US nukes Pakistan and France

With Europe and southern Asia in states of complete chaos, horror and disrepair, the evil supergenius Dr Wang Trotsky is poised to unleash his highly-trained armies of genetically-engineered zombie soldiers on an unsuspecting world.

In a misguided show of support for their religious brothers in Palestine, Pakistani officials unwittingly exposed the Palestinians to lethal doses of radiation from a 20-megaton nuclear device which was detonated in the skies just above Jerusalem yesterday.

And in what is reported to be a targeting error, India responded to the Pakistani attack by exploding a similar-sized nuclear device over Baghdad. The Americans, in a brash display of Texan-like zeal, then sent Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles — both carrying 2,000 megaton, state-of-the-art nuclear warheads — towards Pakistan and, for some reason, France.

Destruction in the affected areas is reported to be total, most notably in Pakistan and France. Asked why his was such a heavy-handed and seemingly arbitrary response to the initial nuclear strikes by Pakistan and India, President Dubya stated: "We strategized that an aforminational response to this naked, naked aggression in this "Middle East" that they have would be met without too much excess extemporanealizationism by the world — and I think the record proves us correctly."

Meanwhile, operating from a hidden mountain fortress built in a secret collaboration between Russia and China, Dr Trotsky will bring to bear the combined might of the two superpowers' military, industrial, and zombie-creation machines. Sweeping westward, military strategists predict an army of 1.5 billion zombies will march on Berlin and London within a year.

It is now theorised that Doctor Wang Trotsky has finally succeeded, albeit partially, in his evil plan to spread a ruthless brand of consumer-oriented zombie communism across the globe.

By Infiltrating the six respective nuclear powers' highest levels of intelligence and military strategy bureaus with sexy, scantily-clad female spies, Dr Trotsky was able to orchestrate the near-simultaneous nuclear strikes which have since thrown half the globe into lawless chaos. It is thought the females themselves are in fact super-sexy fembots.

After securing a border from Hong Kong to the Mediterranean Sea and north to Warsaw, the Sino-Russian zombie forces will likely spend the fall and winter months rounding up refugees and herding them into labour camps, re-educating and lobotomising children in the newly-occupied zones, and building staging areas for a full-scale invasion of Western Europe to be launched in the Spring.

Here at home, enrollment in both Chinese and Russian language classes are said to be on the rise.