Thousands of non-televised Big Brothers get green light

The creation of thousands of non-televised Big Brother shows across the UK has been given the go-ahead by the Department of Arts and Culture.

Starting from March next year, over 6,000 versions of the hit show are to be run concurrently. Tens of thousands of pointless individuals are expected to apply, with only those most inane or self-obsessed likely to win a dream ticket.

The shows — funded by the Lottery — will give the UK a much-needed break from unfeasibly stupid citizens, Tessa Jowell explained. "Capitalising on the success of the TV show, we can make our society a better place — if only for three months," she told The Rockall Times, explaining that under current laws the government was not allowed to murder all those within the households.

"It's also incredibly cost-effective," Jowell said. "For a minimal outlay, all these people will sit in a confined space for weeks on end. Ten beds, a bit of grass, some pots and pans and a dart board. It only requires two people to look after each house, one with a big booming voice."

The shows, which will not be advertised, hyped, screened, filmed or even known about by most of the population, could see a revolution in the media, experts predict, with newspaper owners forced to attract readers that want information about important events in the real world.

The contestants will be informed in writing of the fact that none of them will do anything but get on each others' tits, but it is thought that most of them will be unable or unwilling to read words on a bit of paper.

If successful, the scheme is likely to be rolled out across Europe.