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WorldCom CFO sacked over leggy Las Vegas slut bitch expenses

Telecoms company WorldCom sacked its chief financial officer after discovering a file labelled "improper accounting practices" under his desk, we can reveal.

The title, used extensively in corporate America to mean an all-expenses paid trip to Las Vegas' luxurious brothels, is thought to partially explain the unexpected $3.8 billion in expenses that have appeared on the company's balance sheet (pronounced "shit").

"Our senior management team is shocked by this news," said John Sidgmore, CEO of WorldCom. "I want to assure our customers and employees that the company remains viable and committed to a long-term future. Senior management would also like to assure our wives that this in no way was related to last quarter's management summit. Absolutely no way", he emphasized as a trickle of urine spilt out over his shoe.

Meanwhile, news anchors across the globe were said to be furious that they weren't given more time to prepare opening gambits for the titillating news.

"Stock crash comes quickly after crazy communications company... dammit, I need a synonym for fiasco that starts with 'c'", said a visibly-shaken Stone Philips.

Company relations representatives have assured the public that the former CFO would be fed to the lions in a public arena and company executives have promised to help reimburse shareholder losses by giving them a quick spin on their new yachts.

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