Blair is Dubya's bitch: official

British prime minister Tony Blair really is President Dubya's bitch, sources have confirmed.

Stung by recent criticism that Blur is little more than America's poodle when it comes to policy decisions over the War on Terror™, these revelations will put Blur under more pressure to find his backbone.

People present at a recent meeting between the two world leaders have told us that Blair was forced to bark like a dog and write the words "I am a gaylord, it's true" on a piece of paper in front of Dubya and his guffawing chiefs of staff before the US administration would listen to Blair's representations over the war in Afghanistan.

Mr Blur was also reportedly threatened with a crusty and/or Chinese Burn by dedense secretary Ronald Dumsfield.

Despite the accusations, Mr Blair played down any disagreement between himself and Dubya at a press conference: "Mr Bush is a buddy I can trust in. I feel we have joined in a very meaningful dialogue today, strengthening links not only in trade but economic resolve."

Confident in words if not body language, Blur continued: "Press speculation that I submit to America's will is nothing more than ill-informed nonsense. It just so happens that I agree with everything that the US administration comes up with."

Asked how come his stated views appear to change every time he visits Washington, Blur answered: "Yes, it is true that after due consideration with all the parties involved I have arrived at an opinion that would appear on the surface to be different to my original approach. But suggestions that this is due to undue influence is nonsense. All I can say is that these childish, reactionary media commentators do not have access to all the facts."

Downing Street last night refused to reveal what these full facts were, claiming that their release would compromise national security.

Meanwhile, President Dubya said of the meeting: "Mr Blair has understandibalised our unique partnership today. Plus, he does it with men, 100 per cent true, no hexes, no comebacks."